My goal for 2012—more than getting a degree, or a job, or a new place, or a new love—is to get off all of my medications and start actually feeling better. By whatever means. Sicker people have done more. I think it’s an attainable goal, don’t you?
My parents have given me free license to research and find holistic doctors who would be willing to work with me towards such a goal. With regard to my condition, I don’t have a lot of faith left towards more traditional MDs, of which I have seen more than most people might meet in a lifetime and very few of whom were in any way helpful. All but one couldn’t even obtain a diagnosis, and the one who finally landed on that (with no disrespect meant, because knowing the source has been a true blessing) hasn’t treated the ailment so much as simply slapped the proverbial bandage over it. It’s a symptom of a broken system, of course, so I don’t fault him for his handling, but I don’t think I should suffer for it out of some sense of loyalty, either. Or die for it, which isn’t an entirely impossible distant eventuality, were I to continue indefinitely this way.
Anyway, so I’ve been looking around. To a certain extent, I think I just have to trust that I’ll know what I’m looking for once I’ve found it. I’m dreading the expense of something like this—more than likely, I’ll have to do remote consults and possibly a few flights to meet with a practitioner in another state—but my parents insist that it’s important and cost be damned and all of that. It’s impossible not to think about it, but it is wonderful to feel so loved.
I’m also working on sorting, downsizing, and packing—for good. Classes officially resume today. Last ten weeks of my undergraduate career. 2012 is going to be a good year.
